Saturday, July 10, 2010

Part 2 The Beginning

I just read over what I wrote last night and am trying to figure out how to begin. How do you explain the best and I can't say the worst....but definitely a day or month that will not be forgotten.

Well I know for me I love details. Details about every little thing. So, I guess I will start at the beginning. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. I had initially thought the wedding was the be all end all of our lives together. Boy was I wrong! After the wedding we had decided I would stop taking my lil round (safe sex) friend and dive into the world of baby making. Oh to be so young and naive. Ha ha. Well our thoughts were that once I stopped taking it that we'd have some fun and 9 months later a baby would appear. :) That didn't happen! For the first 4 months we had the fun. Then for the next 4 months we began the scheduling...and no (if anyone is wondering) I had no idea how to schedule it or what to an ovulation chart...that was way too complicated for me. We finally were sent for testing which may I say is definitely NO FUN! I don't know how many females enjoy pap smears and speculum's, I sure as hell don't. But I definitely DID NOT enjoy the foot long steel rod that was inserted into my cervix, then uterus, and then finally into my ovaries. That day is for sure one of my best days ever! Please note the sarcasm. After that the baby making took a turn. I decided on my own, or of course my vagina decided not to be put through the torture anymore. No way No how. So I went on with my life and went through the next few months not thinking about babies or kids at all. Then in September (one year after we had gotten married and went off the pill) I was suffering from a sinus infection and cold....or so I thought. After a few weeks of feeling exhausted and congested I did a pregnancy test to make sure, and that beautiful blue line appeared. I was pregnant. Seeing as it was my first and I had never experienced pregnancy I went out and bought a book to teach me the joys and wonders of the greatest miracle and gift given to us women. I can say that now but at the time when my head was stuck in the toilet for the 10th time each day, I think I had asked my husband what I had done to deserve such torture. I really disliked being pregnant. Then one night I was lying in bed and felt a little foot kick my side. It was unbelievable. The feeling of shear happiness hit me. However then again the next morning after throwing up again for a bit I think it left. Well this continued throughout my pregnancy. Not the puking, just the back and forth of liking it... to... not so much. The worst part was when the ECP's (evil crotch pains) appeared. If any female has experienced these I feel for ya. The pains described as "mild discomfort" were hideous. Thankfully a good friend of mine had prewarned me on anything that was not so good with the joys of pregnancy.

Any who. Finally my due date came....and went. Then the next week I begged and pleaded with my OB to induce me as I was not only miserable but worried for my sons safety. So on June 11th I was induced at 9:00pm and after 24 hours of back labour was taken in for a c-section. My son was healthy and here. The next few months went by very fast and are mildly a blur as not much sleep was I don't really remember too much. When my son was about 3 months I started to have different symptoms. After a week or so I realized I was in postpartum. After a few more weeks I noticed my hormones were going crazy. I was tired, moody, and nauseous all over again. I told my husband I thought I was pregnant...again. He said there was no was just me being all hormonal. Well he was wrong and I was right...ha ha I love saying that. I was pregnant. Again. The same time as the year before. When we went in for an ultrasound we found out that indeed I was pregnant and the due date was approximately 2 weeks after my son was born.

It's funny. As I write this I am happy. Happy is something that I can't say I have really been for the past 38 days. I have had moments where I am good. I have had moments where I can laugh or smile. But I can't say I have been happy. Reliving that one day when I decided to pee on a stick and within seconds I got another blue line. That day when I set up the video camera and put my blue-lined pee stick on the counter and waited. When my husband came in I had asked him to look on the counter. Of course he looked at everything but the stick. I had the camera on and focused on him. Finally after looking around at everything but the stick I yelled out "Look at the stick man! The stick. The stick!" As he picked up the stick a long "Nooooo" came out of his mouth. I am smiling thinking about this. He was not unhappy. He was shocked. At that moment I exuberantly yelled out "See. I'm not crazy. I'm hormonal and PREGNANT!" It took him awhile to get over the shock. LOL. It was at that moment we new our lives would change. We new our lives would change when we had our first. Our son. He was and still is the light of our lives. But at the time, for some unknown reason we knew things would never be the same.

I think I will end this post with this. Like I said, this is the first time I have really smiled and had joy or happiness since June 2nd. I've missed it. So I think I will dwell in this for a bit.

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