Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The End...and Then...

Well I really better finish what happened for those

In February we went for a 3d u/s. During this ultrasound we got to see our lil one's face. Although most of the time she had her arms over her head (I was told many a times that when a child or baby does this that means they are very relaxed), she was adorable. She stuck her tongue out, sucked on her thumb, and even sucked her toes a bit. Its funny when a baby does it its cute, when an adult does it its gross...things to think about. Anyways, after that everything was going well. Around the 7 month mark I had noticed decreased movements so I told my OB and was booked for another u/s and a non stress test. A non stress test is basically you go into a room, lay down, they strap a monitor on ya and you sit there for a half hour counting movements. It was interesting even then. All that morning and the day before Taelyn hardly moved. Then I go into the non stress and she moved more in that 30 minutes then she had moved the whole month before. Her heartrate had gone down at one point during the month and after another u/s all was well.

The next few months flew by again with no major issues. I had an u\s at 30 weeks. When I was at the dr's office a week later I was told that Taelyn's head was oddly shaped. I didn't understand and had to get the doctor to explain it to me again the next day, so I could better explain it to my husband. Taelyn's head had measure correctly one way, but differently another. My first response was "OMG. She's got a cone head?" In which the doctor explained "No. This is normal. If the baby is in the same position for a long period of time, sometimes is can affect the growing." Basically, she was stuck in one side which in turn affected her noggin and it was normal. It would change by the time she made her grand appearance. Good news! I was worried I would have to change her name from Taelyn to Eggbert!

Finally I was at my 36th week. I had 4 weeks to go unless she decided to come early. I was praying she wouldn't as her brother's 1st birthday was approaching and my biggest worry at that time ( I know not that big of a worry in hindsight) was she would come early and we would have to delay my son's birthday, or he would have to share it. That weekend hubby was going up north with the boys. I called my mom and friend to come over and keep me company... as I am a wuss. This was not the main reason though. I wanted help getting my son's new room cleaned and ready so he could move in, and to get Taelyn's room ready for her. The plan was for my son to get the bigger room and move Taelyn into his nursery. I needed to go though all the clothes and baby things in preparation. I had been going through my nesting phase and needed to make sure all was right in our household. The weekend went by...not everything got accomplished, which now we wonder if that was an omen. Monday came and I had felt some movement but the lil misses was not a big mover during the day so I was never really too worried. Most days I knew all was good because she hiccuped all the time. She never moved if I drank pop, or ate chocolate, or did anything really. The only time I could get her to move myself was to lay down and roll onto my side. She hated when I slept or lied on my side. So where was I....Tuesday came I got ready and showered and went in for my doctor's appt. I lied down on the bed and he came in and asked me how I was doing and how were the movements. I told him OK...but that she wasn't moving too much...but I guess that's normal for this late. He measured my belly and felt her position, and listened to her heart rate. It was in the 130's. I told him I had an u/s the next day and that I would be seeing my regular OB (she was on vaca) from then on. He said good luck and bye.

That night I had the same feeling I had had the night before. I had told my husband that thankfully I have the u/s tomorrow as she is really not that active and its freakin me out. I remember doing that with my son and every time I went into the dr's or u/s all was good. So again I thought the same thing was happening. Now I know it wasn't and I should have listened to my gut. Literally.

The next morning my hubby had allowed me to sleep in. He came into get me at 9:30 as my u/s was at 10:30. I got up and got dressed and went downstairs. I felt weird. My belly felt heavy. Not the heaviness I felt when I would roll over during the night and the baby would roll with me. I found with my son and daughter that during the night if I had to roll over and if they were in a deep sleep I would get a thump in my belly. They would roll with me and thump onto the other side. That of course would wake them Then, I would have to deal with them getting all comfortable again before settling back to sleep. The other thing that I noticed with Taelyn was that she did not like me lying on my sides which is what your supposed to do. She only liked when I slept on my back...she would wiggle her little bum into my left side and fall asleep under my boob. It was quite funny to could actually see her moving her bum and nuzzeling it in.

After getting ready and running around I rushed out of the house. My husband was staying at home to watch our son as this was another random u/s. I got to the office and waited for a little bit and was called in. As I sat in the change room waiting to be called I remember asking god that everything be alright. I tried rubbing my belly to get a reaction, but there was nothing. Again I hoped it was just another deep sleep or her pure stubbornness that was stressing me out. I was finally called and walked into the room. I sat down on the bed and began answering the tech's questions. Why am I there...for an u/s. Why? Because my OB wanted one to check on the weight. Why? BECAUSE she wanted one to check the weight. No this is not my first pregnancy. YES I did have one during the same time period with my son. WHY? TO CHECK THE WEIGHT! OK finally! Let's get this show on the road. I lied down on the bed again. I felt the warm gooey stuff, and waited. I felt the tech moving the scanner around. I sat there. I knew. I looked at her face. There was nothing....but I knew. She moved it around some more. After what seemed like forever probably only 5-10 minutes she said "please excuse me, I need to go check something". I knew. I sat up and looked at the monitor. I saw my name...the date...and a dark spot on the screen. I didn't know what it was. I could not tell if I was looking at my baby or something else. It was at this moment I thought she had changed the screen so I couldn't see what she had. Then I hoped "maybe there was something else wrong. OH....hopefully its me she found something wrong with. Please God....don't let anything be wrong with the baby. Let it be me!"

Seeing as I could not recognize what I was looking at....I looked around the room. I teared up....and then stopped myself. I thought "NO WAY. I am not thinking the worst. There is nothing wrong. She had to pee!" Trying to reassure myself didn't work.

After what seemed again like a lifetime....she walked back in....with a man in tow. "Oh Shit". He looked at me. She looked at me. I looked at her, then to him. "She's gone isn't she? There's no heartbeat?" He replied, "I'm so sorry. No there isn't." I said "I thought so. I just knew". I asked the tech if there was anything she had noticed was off. She told me she thought she was underweight. She thought she was the size of a 34 week old. She said she had stopped growing a few week back. I had asked how that was possible as I had had an u/s at 30 weeks and everything was fine besides her misshapen head. She said I don't know...I'm so sorry.

1 comment:

  1. She is beautiful.

    I am sorry that we must know each other this way, but I am glad you welcome us here to celebrate Taelyn.